Need advice. I think my wife has been working very hard to play the role of 'the kind of wife who belongs next to me.' I only understood tonight that she doesn’t actually like the dinners, the riding lessons, the wine lists, the donor gossip, any of it. She has been trying not to disappoint me. The worst part is that I used to find her effort charming. I told her she was brilliant after events. I meant it as praise. Looking back, I may have handed her the next exam. How do you tell someone you love that you don’t want the perfect version of them? You want the person underneath.